What I wish my twenty-year-old self had known.
My Dearest Love,
Firstly, you are not broken. The confusion and despair you sometimes feel in your inability to find purpose behind your existence, is what everyone around you feels. Befriend that feeling. It will visit you often.
It’s beautiful how stubbornly you search for that magical ‘meaning of life’. Don’t stop. It is what makes you ‘you’, even if others at times get tired of that part of your soul. It’s also the reason why they are drawn to you in the first place.
But accept the fact that perhaps the only ‘meaning of life’ there is, can be found in the small things you tend to overlook.
Don’t waste your time on diets or fretting about those few extra kilograms you’ll inevitably put on as you grow older. Those who matter won’t care. Try to be healthy instead. And by that, I don’t mean dieting.
Your body and mind are precious, even if you tend to put them on the bottom of your priority list. I know it seems that they can take it. They can’t. One day when your health breaks and you find yourself waking up from anaesthesia, disoriented and lonely to your core, you will wish you’ve taken better care of yourself.
Learn the difference between those aspects of your life you can and cannot control. Find joy in shaping the former, but don’t build your life goals around the latter. It will only make you feel like a failure, for no fault of your own.
Don’t set deadlines on things that have to unfold naturally, without you pushing or fighting.
You won’t be married by thirty. You won’t even be in a relationship then. This doesn’t mean that you’re unworthy of love. It just means that the Universe is making you face your greatest fear, and overcome it. You will be stronger for it, even if a part of you dies in the process.
Do not grieve it. We all need to shed some parts of us to truly grow up.
Grow up, but do not ever lose your child-like outlook on life. It will help you find joy and laughter even in the darkest moments. Dance often…